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Abusive relationships develop over time. The reasons behind it may pivot on things such as financial stress, friction as a partnership fails, psychological injury such as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) or physical injuries or incapacity. Some may have learnt behaviour from their earlier life, observations of abuse within their family or have been the victim of abuse themselves.
Abuse should not be tolerated. However, the level of abuse within a marriage that is accepted (such as abusive language by drunk partners, controlling personality types etc) varies between people. As we are not all the same there is a line which, when crossed goes from bad behaviour to abuse. Where this line is is for each to decide. This is where the law struggles, as relationships are not universal in either the power balance, or acceptable behaviour and relationship history; as they are not all equal setting an arbitrary line, for an intangible, can create conflict between reality and the law.
I have observed what I would consider abuse, and have acted, which has resulted in both parties turning on me. I have seen where a person charged with domestic violence has had their partner as a witness for them, not the police. We are individuals. We cannot save people from themselves. It is their decision.
Despite what 'experts' say abusive relationships are not always black and white, they may be shades of grey.
HOWEVER, THERE ARE TIMES WHEN INTERVENTION IS REQUIRED. Where are a person is that brow beaten that they accept abuse as their lot, someone must intercede on their behalf. This is recognised by the courts, and legislation, powers are granted to law enforcement to intercede. This brings with it dangers, where one party can use legislation against the other. It also applies societies 'norms' to an individual, seen from the outside as the victim, who does not necessarily accept them. Every time power is ceded to a governing authority it brings dangers, and the possibility of unintended consequences or doing harm, trying to do good. This has to be balanced with protection of those in need.
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Back to Page One this article, or to ask the question, Is my partner cheating?

Signs of ABUSE

Jelousy, possessiveness and accusations
A partner who flies into fits of jealous rage, who is jealous of your co-workers, friends and family.  Who accuses you of cheating, flirting, affairs without cause. Tries to keep you isolated. Treats you and any children as chattels. Demands to know where you've been and with whom.
This must be viewed in the context of history of the relationship, when it refers to 'without cause'. It may also relate to that persons previous relationships and any occurrences in them,experiences and occurrences within the current relationship. Suspecting an affair, where there is admitted history of affairs, is not illogical.                    ..../3