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More signs of abuse include: The Superiority Factor. They are always right, have to win the argument, shift
blame to you. Justify their actions as 'right' by blaming others. Verbally
abusive and dress you down to show their power. The goal of the verbally
abusive is to push you down so they can feel on top, the one with the power.These are the people who never accept responsibility for the results of their actions.
This type of abuse may indicate hidden fears and insecurities. They find
abusing you makes them feel better about themselves, and shift blame to
another.
This can be confused with an arrogant personality. It may be
that the person displays this arrogance or superiority from the start, but that
you perceive it as confidence, and at the time found it attractive. Some have learnt from their younger life.
Manipulative: Tells you you're crazy when you challenge them. Creates
doubt in your mind, even when you were certain you were right. Tries to blame
you for their abuse. That you know how to push the right buttons. May play you
with apologies, tell you they need help, get you to promise to help, say they
won't do it again (till next time).
On the subject of 'pushing buttons' I have observed a number
of women who COULD push their partners buttons, especially when they were
looking for a reaction, to show someone how terrible their partner was!
This manipulation will become the cries of a victim.
One was manipulative, and when she took hundreds of
thousands of their money and secreted it away, and bought assets without his
knowledge, or approval, in her and her children's names. He admitted striking
her, once, when he found out about the skimming. She complained and got the DV
order against him because he admitted striking her.
I also saw evidence of her
affair, that she denied, and he insisted she was having (Of course, none of
that mattered in court, in this particular case).
Another played such games with the children, it was
sickening to watch; power struggles where the children are used as
pawns, are not unusual. She displayed very little compassion for their
children who
wanted to see the father, nor the father for the children. She insisted
her
palm be crossed with silver before he could have a visit. She had her
large
bills she wanted payed.
She claimed to be the victim of physical abuse, there
were indications this was contrived. We were in a position to observe this
action.
I have seen this many times, from both sides, but never so
blatantly as in these cases. It becomes hard to pick the rights and wrongs,
sometimes, because neither side is pure as the driven snow. Family Law is one
of the few area's where I really pity the lawyers, and especially the Judge.
Each side is entitled to
legal representation, sometimes a legal representative is appointed for
the children. Emotion can distort a version of 'the truth'.
Do not think that this behaviour is confined to woman, from
observation, when it comes to power plays the balance is about even. I
have
seen some examples by men that would match them, one recent one comes to
mind,
that I cannot mention as it is ongoing.
Mood Swings: The abusers mood and/or behaviour may be cyclic. It may go from abuse to
remorse to loving and back to abuse. Domestic violence is quite often like
that. It is a bit like saying that a drunk is a lovely person when they're
sober; without intervention, and/or a decision on their part, drunks don't stay
sober, do they?
Drugs, including alcohol, can alter moods and bring abuse to
the fore.
However, mood swings can be caused by many triggers, including
financial pressure, jealousy and emotional problems as well as hormonal
variations. There may be underlying psychological problems.
Most people have
mood swings, some people these mood swings may be extreme (bi-polar) and linked
to other behaviours such as promiscuous behaviour outside the marriage; if you need evidence of an affair, ask for a quote.
If you are in this situation, and they won't
accept counseling,
or admit the problem; I would suggest you leave, especially if the mood
swings involve violence, and increase in ferocity, or threats are made.
Relationships have a 'high' mortality rate; domestic violence is
generally perpetrated by males, but the incidence of female killers is
rising also. If you need to gather evidence
contact us for a free quote.
